Dear Diary
by ArtIsABangDeidaraLove4ever
Summary: Life burns. It twists and pulls and radiates pain. A Tobi Mask for Christmas doesn't help.
1. Chapter 1

9/12/2010

Dear Diary

I guess the way to start a diary is to introduce myself. My name is Alicia Jarvoski, AKA Ally. I'm starting this diary because I really have nothing better to do. I mean, I'm a n00b Naruto fan with no life. I'm the kind that doesn't turn into a freaky obsession, but will sit there watching clips of my favorite characters trying to make psychological profiles on them. Fun stuff if you can do it accurately. Then you get to make educated gambles on how characters would react to certain situations, makes fanfiction totally easy.

Anyways, This coming April I'm going to a convention cosplaying as Tobi. Mum said she'd get me the mask for Christmas, so I'm jumping up and down mentally from excitement.

On to different news, I'm depressed. My brother and Mum were fighting again today. I got so scared I ran to my room, crawled in bed and hid. I think I cried, but I don't want to try and remember. I hate it. No one gets it. I'm the brilliant child who's supposed to go on to college and do something great with my life. Everyone expects too much from me, I can barely pull through. Wish me luck.


	2. Chapter 2

12/24/2010

Dear Diary

I got lazy, huh? Sorry. I was so busy with freaking school, I forgot to write. All A's, except English. I really do try in that class, but it never seems to be good enough. My brother called me a fat bitch. I cried and honestly thought about killing myself. When I feel stressed, I get a horrible pain in my chest, and all over my body. Sometimes I can't take it, and just hide somewhere and nap until the pain fades.

Guess what? I think my Tobi mask was in the presents! _Heh, I'm a bad girl._ I went out and opened everything with my name on it. It feels guilty, but great! My stupid brother tried to take my mask from me, but I swiped it away. It's mine, and no one elses. I hardly ever have anything that's totally mine, things usually get stolen. Really depressing.

My brother yelled at me to go back to my room and sleep after awhile, so I, wearing my awesome new mask, paraded back to bed with my over-sized Domo pulsh. It's freaking two feet tall!

I noticed something weird about my mask. It has a dent on the side, but it's tiny, so I doubt it'll be much of a problem.

_Goooodnight~_


	3. Chapter 3

12/25/2010

Dear Diary

Lol, I'm having a great time! I wore my mask almost all day today! It creeps the ever-living shit out of my Mum. She won't look at it, she shudders and tells me to put it away. That made me feel terrible. She's the one who got it afterall! So, I avoided her. I went on a walk, wearing it of course. People seemed to shy away from me, like I was toxic. Weirdos. But then again, I guess someone with a bright orange swirly mask striding around the city on Christmas day is weird. I digress. (I said a funny word. :D)

On closer inspection, there were a few bumps around the mask, as well as a very faint scratch on it. You couldn't tell from far away, so it ok. I think they're cool, like battle scars.

_Going to sleep today was fawking hard._ I put my mask on the dresser, but something was bugging me. I looked over, and I felt like it was staring at me. It seemed to reach out to me, begging to be worn. I could feel sadness dripping off it. I was terrified and sympathetic at the same time. I went and got it, put it on, and went to bed. As soon as I laid down, I felt horrendously relaxed. I could feel myself nodding off to sleep, except this felt a bit different. My body felt numb. I got scared, and barely managed to pull the mask off. As it came off, I felt an inward cry of protest. I put it next to me, and went to sleep facing the opposite direction.


	4. Chapter 4

1/5/2011

Dear Diary

I'm scared. Every time I look at the mask, I can feel it staring, boring into my mind with that one eye hole. I stopped dressing in my room because it was staring. I know I'm not paranoid. Sure, I have hallucinated, but I know what that feels like, and this is way different.

I'm barely keeping up with school, the expectations, and the yelling. Everyday it's harder to get up in the morning, harder to drag myself to school and back. I don't know what to do.


	5. Chapter 5

1/9/2011

Dear Diary

I took the mask to school and left it in my locker. I didn't want to see it, or know it existed for now. When I look at it, I can feel a dreadful, heart-wrenching sadness take over my mind. I wanted to get away, but at the same time I wanted to pick it up and tell it it was ok. I wanted to comfort it. Which, of course, is crazy. Come on, it's a mask. Just that.

My brother hit me. There's a huge bruise, and it hurts like hell. I just want to break down and sob.


	6. Chapter 6

1/10/2011

Dear Diary

I don't know what to do! I woke up, and it was on me. The mask was on my face, and I could barely move! I felt like something was holding me down, pinning me to my bed. It's hard to admit, even to myself, but it felt alright.

Not perverted, it felt almost like a hug, like someone was there telling me it was ok. Again barely peeling it off, I practically ran out of the house to school. I tried to tell my friend at school, but she waved me off and called me crazy. I thought all day about what to do, and it came to me. The mask probably had a spirit attached to it. That would explain things, right? Wandering spirit liked the mask, and so decided to inhabit it. Not too far out there.

I went home, and did something weird. I picked it up, sat on the floor, laid it an arm's length away from me and talked to it. I talked in verbal words, but it talked to me with telepathy. I tried to keep my cool as this went on.

"Who are you?"

_Tobi's Tobi, duh._

"What do you-" I was cut off.

_Why does Ally keep going? She's so sad the way she is._ There was no response from me. I didn't know why.

_Tobi's lonely. Can Tobi have a hug?_

"Sure. . . . ?" I felt something warm wrap around me. I jerked before realizing this was the "hug".

_Mmm. . . . warm._ I actually began to sink into the hug when I started crying. The hug got tighter.

_What's wrong Ally?_

"No one hugs me." I barely choked it out between the tears. Suddenly, the hug ended. My eyes shot open.

"Tobi? Hello?"

No answer. That's how the conversation ended. I couldn't feel anything from the mask. I cried some more, then calmed down and put it away.

Nothing else really happened today.


	7. Chapter 7

2/15/2011

Dear Diary

My brother has been having a hard time. Three of his friends have died, he dropped school twice, and his girlfriend has dumped him for the third time. Tobi hasn't shown up at all. I hope I didn't scare him off.

School has been getting harder. I've been waking up late almost everyday, and feeling tired and weak all the time. I keep spacing out in class, barely pulling myself together.

I'm thinking about killing myself. I know, it's stupid and selfish, but I don't deserve this. I can't live up to everyone's expectations no matter how hard I try. I just want it to end, to stop the constant pain. Is that so much to ask for? I don't think so.


	8. Chapter 8

3/15/2011

Dear Diary

Tomorrow is the start of the convention, and Tobi hasn't shown up at all. It seems to be just a normal mask now.

I crawled into my bed like usual, curling up tightly, waiting for the sweet drone of sleep to carry me off. It didn't come until very late, 2 am to be exact.

At 2:30, I got out of bed and went to my dresser. I stared at the mask, following the swirls around the edges. Gingerly picking it up, I put it on. I realized I wanted the numbness to come. I wanted to seep off into that state of not being able to move, not being able to think. I laid down in bed, mask still on.

Nothing.

In single file, tears slid down my face, following my tear troughs I acquired from years of stress, even though I was only 16. Pathetic. I cried all alone in the darkness of my room, with nothing to comfort me. Nothing to help me ease the agony surging through my chest. I continued to cry, then I realized I couldn't move. The numbness followed suit, until everything was a haze of darkness and a cloudy thoughts.


	9. Chapter 9

3/16/2011

Dear Diary

Today scared me. I woke up on a couch at the convention, cosplayers and normal folk busying around the place, vendors abundant. I twitched and found I was able to control myself. I got up, and rubbed my head, only to find a layer of cloth blocking my hand from my head. There was a ski mask on underneath the mask, and my hand was gloved.

On the verge of a panic attack, I ran to the nearest bathroom. Peering into the mirror, I saw myself in full costume. My costume was a black suit, white collar shirt, Tobi mask, ski mask underneath, gloves, red tie, and a pimp hat. I didn't remember getting this costume. I shut my eyes, trying to make sense of it all when a familiar voice rang through my head.

_Tobi has great fashion sense, huh?_ Standing there in shock, I began to understand what happened. I had been possessed in my sleep, and Tobi brought me here to the con.

"Tobi. . . . " I began to feel a wheel of emotions. Confusion, then anger, then shock and fear. What else had he done?

_Tobi took care of your jerk brother for you._

"Tobi, what did you do to him?" I felt scared for my brother. He was abusive, but he was still my brother. My fear dug into my chest, the burning pull racking my body. There was silence.

_He won't bother you anymore. Have fun at the con Ally._ Then there was nothing. I thought and thought and thought, until it hit me. Tobi was the one who killed my brother's friends. He was the one who dragged him into depression, who caused his relationship problems. I didn't know what to do. . . . who would?

Walking back into the hall, a group of fangirls glomped me. I gave in and hugged them back. Letting go of what just happened, I really did do my best to have fun.

When I got home, I ran to my brother's room. He was in bed, snoring loudly. I calmed down, went to my room, and slept.


	10. Chapter 10

3/17/2011

Dear Diary

Last night I had a very vivid dream. I was surrounded by darkness, and felt extremely cold. Huddled up, something wrapped around me. I realized it was Tobi, hugging me.

"Tobi, why did you do all that to my brother?" I felt surprise, as if he wasn't expecting me to ask that. I couldn't see anything, but I could feel him there.

_He hurt Ally. He hurt Ally more than anything else could have. He's lucky Tobi didn't do worse to him._ I felt a deep ridden animosity course through the darkness, it came as a shock. That's when I remembered that Tobi was just a ruse. In the Naruto series, Tobi turned out to be a sinister evil mastermind who plotted to take over the world. As if able to sense my thoughts, a deeper voice came from whatever was holding me.

_It's cold here, I'd appreciate it if you would stay._ I felt dizzy, and the darkness ended and someone was shaking my pillow.

* * *

><p>"Ally, are you going to the anime con today?" It was my sister. She was probably asking so that she could know when it would be alright to dig through my stuff. I groaned in annoyance, getting up sluggishly. It was 9:30 am. I was annoyed at having being woke up, but at the same time relieved, I didn't know what would have happened to me if she didn't wake me up.<p>

I felt scared. I didn't know what was going to happen. The words he said repeated themselves over and over in my head, in harmony with a symphony of pain raging through me. My body felt weak. It was aching and tweaking with sore joints. I looked at my sister, who was still expecting an answer.

"No."

"Ok." She then disappeared behind the door.

The rest of the day was spent with me trying to figure things out. Nothing worked. I dread going back to sleep, sleeping would mean facing him again. Taking a risk, although what risk this was I am not sure of.


	11. Chapter 11

3/21/2011

Dear Diary

Last night I had another dream. It was more fuzzy this time though. I remember being held, and again being asked to stay. There was a conversation, but I don't remember quite what. I told him that I can't because I'm attached to my body. He was sad and didn't want me to go again.

I woke up today, and I remember it being 3/17 yesterday. I have no memory of the past four days. I pulled the mask out trembling with terror.

"Tobi, what are you doing?" The deep voice didn't answer, it answered in the light, cheerful voice.

_Ally said she couldn't stay because she was stuck in her body, no? Tobi's just taking some precautions before Ally leaves with Tobi._

"Tobi, why? I can't just leave! You have to stop this."

_Ally doesn't want to stay. Tobi knows she doesn't._

"N-no, Tobi, stop it."

_No. Ally will be ok._ I ran out the door, out the house, and down the street. I was forced to stop when my chest began to hurt. After sitting a few minutes, I went to the baseball fields and tried to think, but no rational, plausible thoughts came.

I went home at 8:30 pm. Upon entering the door, my Mum was waiting for me.

"Where have you been? Do you know how late it is?" I could tell she was pissed. I didn't answer, instead aiming my head at the ground.

"Go to your room, and don't come out until tomorrow." Doing as she said, I flopped and my bed and grabbed my diary. The mask was nowhere to be seen.

This will be the last time I'll be writing. I'm going to burn this diary so I can forget. Bye Tobi.


	12. Chapter 12

People stood around in the building, surrounding the altar. On it was a casket containing a young woman. The Priest read the funeral rites, and people put their flowers on her.

Her family sat around her, mourning.

They found her dead on April 22nd, laying in bed. Her brother had heard her screaming, but hadn't checked on her. He thought she was throwing a temper-tantrum. The cause of death was a heart attack. The autopsy showed she was not in any pain as she died.

Inside in casket, an orange mask lay gently placed in her hands. She had been found with it on her face; the investigators confirmed it was on her face at the time of death. When taken off, she was smiling, so her mother affirmed she was to be buried with it.


End file.
